Originally, the term husband refers to Middle English huseband, from Old English hūsbōnda, from Old Norse hūsbōndi (hūs, “house” + bōndi, būandi, present participle of būa, “to dwell”, so, etymologically, “a householder”)
We have seen people in society taking on roles that they are not sure of and they excel in them and those that take on roles because they sound fancy and the title could be suitable. Taking husband as a suitable title? I still have to grow older to see that, I mean I understand the term above of which I had no idea of when I got married almost a decade ago. They say “band” in the word husband means “to dwell”, for me that’s powerful. I found myself thinking of other things that dwell, the Holy Spirit dwells in the midst of God’s people; Love dwells in the hearts of people that are in love with each other and you can see they eyes sparkle; husband dwell in his households. A thought of being a husband – a house-dweller – find a place in my mind and in my heart it felt right.
My background when I was growing up did not have a husband role and I learned about this role as I was growing older witnessing people getting married and that translated that to be a husband you need to find someone that you love begin with and also be willing grow with that person while you are a person on your own. That convinced me that being a husband is something that I would like to be. And I realized after I became a husband that the importance of the will to compromise need to be accompanied by a great knowledge of negotiation skills which plays a big role in a marriage. There shall be conflicts or debates about things that a male figure which is a husband may need to partake in while the husband does not see a need – communication and negotiation skills get showcased here. I believe that if a husband has got good communication and negotiation skills, he shall dwell better in his household.
Life and its maturity have proven to us a multiple times that husbands are indeed evolving. Looking at how traditional husbands, for a lack of a better word, did things – being a provider and providing for their family and providing security at large, may I add that these husbands came with what sounds harsh nowadays that a wife belongs to the kitchen, during that time it seemed normal. While the latest generation of husbands have a belief that if a husband works together with his wife they can achieve bigger things and achieving their goals quicker compared to what traditional husband did back in the day. Traditional husbands watch this happens and say the modern husbands have become weak mainly because there is bidirectional communication now.
Allow me not to take away the credit from husbands that have taken some good things from the traditional husbands and use those good examples in their marriages and also embrace the synergy that exists to succeed in their marriages. We must also remember that back in time, wives had no voice whatsoever expressing themselves was just throwing an idea but a man of the household had to make decisions for the family. Some produced successful marriages while some did not which is still the case now. We still leave with men that are using the traditional husbands way of doing things, they provide for their families full-on even though things have changed and wives work but their wives’ money is for them to care of themselves and these husbands run their household smoothly – the wife is still expected to prepare food for her husband which she does with pleasure. These wives have made the kitchen and exciting place to be in.
Yet, some modern husbands are using the traditional husband’s way but they are not providing for their families one hundred percent, in my view, it is a selfish act (unless of course there is a disability that prevents them which is unknown to me). I know that we as husbands can never be 50/50 with our wives in our households and I think we need to also look at what these wives of ours are bringing to the table as well. Some households run by the wives, and husbands are taking their stand as men to do everything else that needs to be done in the house and these husbands have dignity and power in their marriages and households – this is a true example of knowing how to work a household as a house-dweller. The fact is that wives are also evolving just like husbands do and we are seeing more and more women leaders who happen to be wives running big corporate and some running government departments successfully.
It matters not which category of a husband you may classify yourself under or be labeled by other people as. What matters is that you are true to yourself, and you are aware of all the corners of your household as a husband. That your marriage, your family and being yourself inspires you to be a better husband to your wife and a hero to your kids, with the knowledge that what you do as the leader of the house your kids are learning and will definitely apply what they think was great that you did. In the end, oh yes, in the end, the baton has to be passed on. So be the best example to the next generation – a wise husband, caring father, and a loving family man.
As a husband – dwell in your house and impact positively each and every life in your house. Charity begins at home, therefore, ensure that your home is as perfect in your eyes as you would like it to be.
You are not called a HUSBAND for nothing so own it and be it!
Written by Mduduzi Mthanti